It’s amazing how most things are only in your mind; yesterday I had a talk with Kate about not only managing one’s mind but also the world around you. I hope I can help other trans kids with these concepts too.
She explained that the same situations are processed differently by different people, so you have the choice of seeing the world as hostile or friendly, which changes everything. It’s not about being naïve; nothing would be worse than thinking that there´s no transphobia in the world and suddenly having someone calling you names or being bullied. It’s not that, but thinking positively instead of negatively could keep you from falling into a negative and scary place.
I went to school wearing my pin with the trans flag and reframed the whole situation (that’s right, reframing is something Kate explained yesterday). There were basically two ways of looking at the situation. The first was to see the whole world as hostile and expect to be treated badly. The second one is to say, “Look how brave and awesome I am, I deserve the best.” I chose the second one of course, and it worked great; it’s not like brainwashing or something, it only works if you believe it, even just a little bit..
The first couple of hours the kids noticed my pin but didn’t say anything. I felt strong, maybe it wasn’t a big deal after all, right? But suddenly a girl said:
“Hey, nice pin, what does it mean?”
That means supporting the trans community.
“Oh, I see, so are you trans?”
I swear I wasn’t planning to answer that and I felt the eyes of everyone staring at me, waiting for my answer.
You know what? Yes, I am…
Many kids came to me showing their support.
They didn’t push the topic and eventually everyone continued doing what they were doing like it wasn’t a big deal. Let me get this straight: one day I ran for my life and the next day I told other kids in my school that I´m trans and did it confidently!
Can´t wait to tell Mom and Kate! I know this is only round one and that you can´t win them all, but hey! I´m loving who I am!
The next few days I started adding feminine clothes to my look, nothing flashy, just one thing at a time.
I know these are great victories, but I still get really dysphoric at times and feel like nothing’s enough. I want to go faster. I’m starting to feel inadequate in the boys’ locker room and bathrooms and I don’t want to be deadnamed anymore. The road feels so long…
Amelia´s strategy is that the school staff and the kids gradually get used to the idea that she’s a girl and I agree with that strategy; that’s really clever. But there are changes that I know could set off the alarms for everyone, like requesting to use the girls’ bathrooms. That’s what the whole country is throwing a tantrum about, right?
Oh, and there´s sports. That swimmer Lia Thomas is such a brave woman; how can she process so much hate against her? She just wants to do what she loves! People come to extreme conclusions, like thinking she transitioned to win women’s competitions; do they listen to themselves? That’s preposterous! Why is that a concern? Amelia loves to swim and it´d break her heart if some bigots tried to take her away from the pools!
I keep trying to stay cool and focus on the positive, which is a lot. Amelia has changed! She never lacked confidence but was shy; whenever she could avoid a social situation, she would. Now, she’s more in front of things, taking control of her destiny.
I noticed something funny; as a “boy” she used to dress in darker colors, black or gray. Now she uses lots of colors; it was a pleasant surprise to see her in a yellow jacket the other day! She also laughs more and doesn´t stay at home in her room as much as before.
A beautiful thing to notice is that her essence is the same; she´s the same clever, gentle kid who loves airplanes and swimming and doesn´t get into trouble like some other kids. I just wish I could remove her dysphoria and do more about it; what was awesome for her yesterday is not enough today.
I learned about gender euphoria, which is when a trans person feels great in their own skin, but I wonder if living between euphoria and dysphoria is going to be too hard for Amelia. I wish to see her more stable and not have to worry about her transition so much so she can just enjoy being a kid.
We´re getting more prepared for the next steps; we´re discussing how to approach Grandma and Grandpa. Amelia pointed out how great that was when we were talking about it, and I was puzzled. Do you think it’s great to come out to my parents? I don’t follow…
No, the great thing is that’s not you or me; it’s us. We´re a team, and we should always strategize together, you see? Some trans kids are not that lucky, Mom, just imagine not having your family’s support!
She’s right, that must be the worst! I really feel for those kids. It’s not fair; you should love your kid no matter what. I ́m not gonna say this isn´t a big deal because it IS. This is when kids need their families the most! Bigotry is really an aberration!
“Hey Mom, I discussed my dysphoria with Dr. Stewart by the way”, Amelia said matter-of-factly. “I want to explore puberty blockers; that’s the solution.”
I didn’t see that coming…
Go to part 7…