This post comes from Juliette Greenham Güémez, one of TFA’s Spanish-language facilitators and parent coaches, who co-leads Navegando el Viaje de Género and works closely with families throughout their gender journey. Below, she shares what she’s learned from parents navigating this path — in her own words. Want to connect with Juliette directly? Visit her profile in our community.
If you’ve just found out that your child has been struggling with the gender they were assigned at birth and wants to do something about it — something we colloquially call transitioning, though there are now better terms like gender alignment or harmonization — we know your reaction may be, at the very least, one of worry. This is a complex topic, and at first, parents with trans kids don’t have enough information to know what to do.
The first thing we recommend is not to overreact, question, or challenge your child as if their feelings didn’t count or were wrong. Instead, from the love you feel for them, listen to them and offer to be a safe person they can trust. This step is very important because it helps reduce their anxiety about communicating something this big to the people they love and trust the most in the world. For you, on the other hand, it buys time to learn about the topic properly, seek the right help, and support them through what they’re about to face.
To save you time and effort, I’ve spoken with many mothers and fathers who helped me identify the most important points they wish they had known when they were starting their family’s gender journey.
Without further ado, here they are, hoping they’ll be very useful to you and save you some headaches.
What Parents with Trans Kids Want You to Know
That it’s persistent over time. There’s always the question of what would happen if your child changed their mind. Look, although that possibility always exists, it’s not common. This is deeply rooted and will most likely stay with them their whole life. There are trans people who, when exposed to very adverse conditions — for example, in countries that are dangerous for diversity — artificially suppress their true selves in an attempt to survive. They always have a very hard time, and it’s not that they want to detransition because they were wrong, but because society has forced them to.
A related point is understanding that the steps taken in a transition are gradual and very carefully considered. Irreversible steps aren’t taken overnight; rather, it’s a long process that usually begins with a social transition. Most of the steps in a transition are reversible, though over time you’ll notice that as these steps are taken, far from regretting it, your child will flow more easily with life.
That being trans isn’t something you choose; you can only choose to live authentically. If choosing to be a gender-diverse person were a personal decision, it would be somewhat absurd given all the challenges it involves. In other words, no one would choose adversity just to see what happens — it comes from a very deep place within one’s inner sense of self.
Malicious disinformation like the term “gender ideology” has been designed with every bad intention to hurt gender-diverse people, since being a diverse person is neither a whim nor a way of thinking, as the term suggests, but simply comes from one’s origin. What can be decided is to live from your authentic self instead of living life through a character that isn’t really you — that’s why trans people are very brave for living authentically despite discrimination.
That this is only about your child and no one else. It’s common that, out of fear, some families say things to their children like “why are you doing this to me?” Here it must be understood that a gender transition is exclusively about your child’s life. It’s hard, but each person sees life differently and wants different things, which don’t have to align with anyone else’s plans.
That’s why a transition isn’t done with the intention of affecting anyone, and trans people would do anything so their families wouldn’t worry so much.
That your child needs all your help and loving presence. In gender transitions, there’s a long list of things your child would like to achieve, no doubt. But what they need most is the help and presence of their family, regardless of age. No one should go through the challenges of transition alone, and having that confirmation — not that their family understands everything, but that they love them — is the best thing that can happen to them.
That wanting and needing are two different things. It’s hard to put the word “surgery” together with “wanting.” Needing it is one thing, and wishing they could be free of the pain and long recovery of surgeries is quite another. This only confirms what was explained above: a person doesn’t decide to be trans, but they can decide to be true to their real self and undertake a brave path because they need to. The experience is vastly different when those surgeries happen with family support than when they don’t.
That the topic has been extensively studied and isn’t what people used to believe. Over the last 30 years, the topic of gender incongruence has been studied extensively. We can now say we understand this situation much better, and we also know techniques and ways of carrying out a gender transition that are much safer than in the past. Of course, several myths and dogmas have fallen along the way. Diversity in human beings is natural, so rather than being a disorder, it’s simply a different configuration — just as valid as any other.
That there are happy trans people, but support is crucial. Of course families worry about their children’s future and safety. Notice that we’ve never said this is easy for families, since there are real risks out there. But you’ll be surprised to witness the incredible resilience of trans people because, like any human being, they seek their happiness without harming anyone. That’s why it’s worth looking at the lives of many trans people who are happy and successful, and realizing that this is a real possibility. And of course, with your support it will be easier for them to achieve it.
That this is much easier to go through in community. I’ve seen it many times: families arrive distressed and break down when they speak for the first time at a TransFamily Alliance meeting, and a couple of hours later they leave changed. What happened? It’s witnessing that there are many families living this journey, already with more experience than them, who share how they’ve supported their children and navigated the difficulties. Helpful advice is given, people encourage and support one another. Suddenly you no longer feel alone — there are people you can talk to openly without being judged, and you realize they’re living normal lives and doing well. What a difference from trying to go through it alone!
That I had to learn about the topic properly. As an act of humility, it helps to accept that what you’ve been told about this topic throughout your life may be a lot of misinformation rooted in prejudice. Once you accept that, it’s easier to unlearn that incorrect information, clear the viruses off the hard drive, and make room for information that comes from science. Just a warning: sometimes even science isn’t safe from people trying to twist it, so as part of your skills, you’ll need the discernment to rule out unfounded information that passes itself off as scientific.
That you need to build a team of experts. Since a transition can be divided into three phases — social, legal, and medical — it’s necessary to put together a team of experts who can accompany each of those phases according to your child’s needs. Ideally, these experts will also be in communication with each other — and are used to doing so — to act in a synergistic way.
That it’s essential to take care of your own mental state. Sometimes we put in all this effort for our children because we want them to be okay, but we make the mistake of forgetting about ourselves. The wear and tear can be very intense, and before long, it’s the mom or dad who’s burned out. If you want to be useful to your child and support them from the best possible place, you also need to take care of yourself — and that means knowing how to disconnect, exercise, eat well, or even go to therapy if you need it. There are many ways to do it, so remember that your child needs you strong.
That living authentically is cause for celebration and pride. Experts, drawing on many years of experience working with the trans community, took on the task of mapping out a typical Gender Journey for families of a trans person. In the final phase, called the Warrior phase, families already know the topic very well, have supported their children, and feel proud — not in spite of who their child is, but precisely because of who they are. Over time, this pride grows as they realize the courage and resilience of their children. This is a beautiful stage where everything flows much more smoothly, because instead of doubt, there is trust and knowledge.
These are the main points that families shared with us, and which come up again and again. We invite you to see for yourselves; you’ll find they make life much simpler.
Ready to take the first step…?
Join Navigating the Gender Journey: An 8-Week Coaching Program for Parents and Caregivers of Trans, Nonbinary, and Gender-Diverse Youth
Re-launches September 17, 2026
Our 8-week group coaching program, Navigating the Gender Journey, was built specifically for caregivers of gender-diverse youth. Together, you’ll move through the Gender Journey framework with real support, real language for hard conversations, and a community that will still be there long after the program ends. Learn more about the program and apply to join by visiting: Navigating the Gender Journey.
Other Resources
- Not sure where you are on the journey? Take the Gender Journey Quiz — for free
- Ready to connect with other families on the journey? Learn more about our private, vetted, members-only parent community →
This post comes from Juliette Greenham Güémez, one of TFA’s Spanish-language facilitators and parent coaches, who co-leads Navegando el Viaje de Género and works closely with families throughout their gender journey. Below, she shares what she’s learned from parents navigating this path — in her own words. Want to connect with Juliette directly? Visit her profile in our community.
If you’ve just found out that your child has been struggling with the gender they were assigned at birth and wants to do something about it — something we colloquially call transitioning, though there are now better terms like gender alignment or harmonization — we know your reaction may be, at the very least, one of worry. This is a complex topic, and at first, parents with trans kids don’t have enough information to know what to do.
The first thing we recommend is not to overreact, question, or challenge your child as if their feelings didn’t count or were wrong. Instead, from the love you feel for them, listen to them and offer to be a safe person they can trust. This step is very important because it helps reduce their anxiety about communicating something this big to the people they love and trust the most in the world. For you, on the other hand, it buys time to learn about the topic properly, seek the right help, and support them through what they’re about to face.
To save you time and effort, I’ve spoken with many mothers and fathers who helped me identify the most important points they wish they had known when they were starting their family’s gender journey.
Without further ado, here they are, hoping they’ll be very useful to you and save you some headaches.
What Parents with Trans Kids Want You to Know
That it’s persistent over time. There’s always the question of what would happen if your child changed their mind. Look, although that possibility always exists, it’s not common. This is deeply rooted and will most likely stay with them their whole life. There are trans people who, when exposed to very adverse conditions — for example, in countries that are dangerous for diversity — artificially suppress their true selves in an attempt to survive. They always have a very hard time, and it’s not that they want to detransition because they were wrong, but because society has forced them to.
A related point is understanding that the steps taken in a transition are gradual and very carefully considered. Irreversible steps aren’t taken overnight; rather, it’s a long process that usually begins with a social transition. Most of the steps in a transition are reversible, though over time you’ll notice that as these steps are taken, far from regretting it, your child will flow more easily with life.
That being trans isn’t something you choose; you can only choose to live authentically. If choosing to be a gender-diverse person were a personal decision, it would be somewhat absurd given all the challenges it involves. In other words, no one would choose adversity just to see what happens — it comes from a very deep place within one’s inner sense of self.
Malicious disinformation like the term “gender ideology” has been designed with every bad intention to hurt gender-diverse people, since being a diverse person is neither a whim nor a way of thinking, as the term suggests, but simply comes from one’s origin. What can be decided is to live from your authentic self instead of living life through a character that isn’t really you — that’s why trans people are very brave for living authentically despite discrimination.
That this is only about your child and no one else. It’s common that, out of fear, some families say things to their children like “why are you doing this to me?” Here it must be understood that a gender transition is exclusively about your child’s life. It’s hard, but each person sees life differently and wants different things, which don’t have to align with anyone else’s plans.
That’s why a transition isn’t done with the intention of affecting anyone, and trans people would do anything so their families wouldn’t worry so much.
That your child needs all your help and loving presence. In gender transitions, there’s a long list of things your child would like to achieve, no doubt. But what they need most is the help and presence of their family, regardless of age. No one should go through the challenges of transition alone, and having that confirmation — not that their family understands everything, but that they love them — is the best thing that can happen to them.
That wanting and needing are two different things. It’s hard to put the word “surgery” together with “wanting.” Needing it is one thing, and wishing they could be free of the pain and long recovery of surgeries is quite another. This only confirms what was explained above: a person doesn’t decide to be trans, but they can decide to be true to their real self and undertake a brave path because they need to. The experience is vastly different when those surgeries happen with family support than when they don’t.
That the topic has been extensively studied and isn’t what people used to believe. Over the last 30 years, the topic of gender incongruence has been studied extensively. We can now say we understand this situation much better, and we also know techniques and ways of carrying out a gender transition that are much safer than in the past. Of course, several myths and dogmas have fallen along the way. Diversity in human beings is natural, so rather than being a disorder, it’s simply a different configuration — just as valid as any other.
That there are happy trans people, but support is crucial. Of course families worry about their children’s future and safety. Notice that we’ve never said this is easy for families, since there are real risks out there. But you’ll be surprised to witness the incredible resilience of trans people because, like any human being, they seek their happiness without harming anyone. That’s why it’s worth looking at the lives of many trans people who are happy and successful, and realizing that this is a real possibility. And of course, with your support it will be easier for them to achieve it.
That this is much easier to go through in community. I’ve seen it many times: families arrive distressed and break down when they speak for the first time at a TransFamily Alliance meeting, and a couple of hours later they leave changed. What happened? It’s witnessing that there are many families living this journey, already with more experience than them, who share how they’ve supported their children and navigated the difficulties. Helpful advice is given, people encourage and support one another. Suddenly you no longer feel alone — there are people you can talk to openly without being judged, and you realize they’re living normal lives and doing well. What a difference from trying to go through it alone!
That I had to learn about the topic properly. As an act of humility, it helps to accept that what you’ve been told about this topic throughout your life may be a lot of misinformation rooted in prejudice. Once you accept that, it’s easier to unlearn that incorrect information, clear the viruses off the hard drive, and make room for information that comes from science. Just a warning: sometimes even science isn’t safe from people trying to twist it, so as part of your skills, you’ll need the discernment to rule out unfounded information that passes itself off as scientific.
That you need to build a team of experts. Since a transition can be divided into three phases — social, legal, and medical — it’s necessary to put together a team of experts who can accompany each of those phases according to your child’s needs. Ideally, these experts will also be in communication with each other — and are used to doing so — to act in a synergistic way.
That it’s essential to take care of your own mental state. Sometimes we put in all this effort for our children because we want them to be okay, but we make the mistake of forgetting about ourselves. The wear and tear can be very intense, and before long, it’s the mom or dad who’s burned out. If you want to be useful to your child and support them from the best possible place, you also need to take care of yourself — and that means knowing how to disconnect, exercise, eat well, or even go to therapy if you need it. There are many ways to do it, so remember that your child needs you strong.
That living authentically is cause for celebration and pride. Experts, drawing on many years of experience working with the trans community, took on the task of mapping out a typical Gender Journey for families of a trans person. In the final phase, called the Warrior phase, families already know the topic very well, have supported their children, and feel proud — not in spite of who their child is, but precisely because of who they are. Over time, this pride grows as they realize the courage and resilience of their children. This is a beautiful stage where everything flows much more smoothly, because instead of doubt, there is trust and knowledge.
These are the main points that families shared with us, and which come up again and again. We invite you to see for yourselves; you’ll find they make life much simpler.
Ready to take the first step…?
Join Navigating the Gender Journey: An 8-Week Coaching Program for Parents and Caregivers of Trans, Nonbinary, and Gender-Diverse Youth
Re-launches September 17, 2026
Our 8-week group coaching program, Navigating the Gender Journey, was built specifically for caregivers of gender-diverse youth. Together, you’ll move through the Gender Journey framework with real support, real language for hard conversations, and a community that will still be there long after the program ends. Learn more about the program and apply to join by visiting: Navigating the Gender Journey.
Other Resources
- Not sure where you are on the journey? Take the Gender Journey Quiz — for free
- Ready to connect with other families on the journey? Learn more about our private, vetted, members-only parent community →
