When you’re a parent and your child starts exploring their gender, one of the first questions that can show up—sometimes quietly, sometimes in a rush of worry—is: “is it only a phase?” If you’ve been asking yourself that, you’re not alone. It’s a deeply human question, and it usually comes from love, uncertainty, and a desire to do the right thing. The good news is: you don’t have to have everything figured out today to be a steady, supportive presence for your child.
“Is It Only a Phase?” A Parent’s Guide to Supporting Your Gender-Exploring Child
This is a question most parents have when they realize gender might be an issue—or a point of exploration—for their child. Many parents may hope or believe this is just a phase.
We get it. And this question is perfectly understandable.
Before trying to determine whether something is “a phase” or not, it can help to zoom out and learn a few important basics—because every child’s experience is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Sometimes, a more supportive (and less stressful) question is:
How can I support my kid—regardless of what’s going on?
For many kids, sharing something about gender can feel vulnerable. Even if they sound confident, they may be bracing for disbelief, dismissal, or conflict. That’s why how you respond matters as much as what you think is happening. When a child feels emotionally safe, they’re more likely to keep communicating with you over time—so you can understand their experience more clearly and make thoughtful choices together.
It’s also worth knowing: many people have been aware of their authentic gender identity for a long time before they share it or begin expressing themselves differently. What can look “sudden” from the outside often isn’t sudden on the inside—it’s simply the moment your child decided it was safe enough to let you in.
And here’s a grounding truth for parents: supporting your child doesn’t “lock in” any outcome. It doesn’t “cause” a particular identity, and it doesn’t close doors. What it does build is trust, resilience, and connection—so your child can keep exploring honestly, and you can keep showing up with steadiness and care.
Your family’s love and support is one of the most important protective factors in your child’s overall wellbeing and gender health. That means the way you address the situation—the tone you set, the curiosity you hold, the respect you show—can make a huge difference.
What You Can Do Today
- Lead with connection first. Try a simple: “Thank you for telling me. I love you. I’m here.” You can have questions later—right now, safety matters most.
- Use curious, non-leading questions. For example: “How long have you been thinking about this?” “What feels good or uncomfortable?” “What would support look like right now?”
- Avoid dismissing language—even if you’re unsure. Statements like “It’s probably a phase” or “Don’t worry about it” can feel invalidating. Instead try: “I’m still learning, and I want to understand.”
- Learn a few key terms so you feel less overwhelmed. A shared vocabulary can reduce fear and help conversations feel clearer and calmer. One parent-friendly resource we recommend is our Glossary of Gender Terminology for Parents downloadable PDF guide.
- Focus on wellbeing, not winning an argument. Pay attention to stress, sleep, mood, school, and social support. A supported child is more likely to thrive—no matter where their journey leads.
- Find support for you, too. Parenting through uncertainty is hard. Hearing from other parents and trusted professionals can help you feel steadier and more confident.
If you just found out your child is trans, nonbinary, or gender expansive, these early moments are important. Our goal is to provide relevant, practical information from the start so you can respond in the most supportive way possible.
And if you’d like guided, compassionate support as you navigate what’s next, we invite you to explore and apply to our parent coaching program, Navigating the Gender Journey, re-launching March 2026. Click here to learn more and apply now!
Free Webinar Access: “Making Sense of the Gender Journey & Your Next Steps As a Parent”
Catch the replay of this recorded interview with our founder, Dr. Shawn Giammattei (clinical psychologist, gender specialist, and founder of the TransFamily Alliance).
Inside, Dr. Shawn covers:
• gender identity development (including nonbinary experiences)
• the impact of societal attitudes and media
• resilience and support amid discrimination
• why parent connection + specialized support matters
Click here, or scan the QR to access the webinar!
When you’re a parent and your child starts exploring their gender, one of the first questions that can show up—sometimes quietly, sometimes in a rush of worry—is: “is it only a phase?” If you’ve been asking yourself that, you’re not alone. It’s a deeply human question, and it usually comes from love, uncertainty, and a desire to do the right thing. The good news is: you don’t have to have everything figured out today to be a steady, supportive presence for your child.
“Is It Only a Phase?” A Parent’s Guide to Supporting Your Gender-Exploring Child
This is a question most parents have when they realize gender might be an issue—or a point of exploration—for their child. Many parents may hope or believe this is just a phase.
We get it. And this question is perfectly understandable.
Before trying to determine whether something is “a phase” or not, it can help to zoom out and learn a few important basics—because every child’s experience is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Sometimes, a more supportive (and less stressful) question is:
How can I support my kid—regardless of what’s going on?
For many kids, sharing something about gender can feel vulnerable. Even if they sound confident, they may be bracing for disbelief, dismissal, or conflict. That’s why how you respond matters as much as what you think is happening. When a child feels emotionally safe, they’re more likely to keep communicating with you over time—so you can understand their experience more clearly and make thoughtful choices together.
It’s also worth knowing: many people have been aware of their authentic gender identity for a long time before they share it or begin expressing themselves differently. What can look “sudden” from the outside often isn’t sudden on the inside—it’s simply the moment your child decided it was safe enough to let you in.
And here’s a grounding truth for parents: supporting your child doesn’t “lock in” any outcome. It doesn’t “cause” a particular identity, and it doesn’t close doors. What it does build is trust, resilience, and connection—so your child can keep exploring honestly, and you can keep showing up with steadiness and care.
Your family’s love and support is one of the most important protective factors in your child’s overall wellbeing and gender health. That means the way you address the situation—the tone you set, the curiosity you hold, the respect you show—can make a huge difference.
What You Can Do Today
- Lead with connection first. Try a simple: “Thank you for telling me. I love you. I’m here.” You can have questions later—right now, safety matters most.
- Use curious, non-leading questions. For example: “How long have you been thinking about this?” “What feels good or uncomfortable?” “What would support look like right now?”
- Avoid dismissing language—even if you’re unsure. Statements like “It’s probably a phase” or “Don’t worry about it” can feel invalidating. Instead try: “I’m still learning, and I want to understand.”
- Learn a few key terms so you feel less overwhelmed. A shared vocabulary can reduce fear and help conversations feel clearer and calmer. One parent-friendly resource we recommend is our Glossary of Gender Terminology for Parents downloadable PDF guide.
- Focus on wellbeing, not winning an argument. Pay attention to stress, sleep, mood, school, and social support. A supported child is more likely to thrive—no matter where their journey leads.
- Find support for you, too. Parenting through uncertainty is hard. Hearing from other parents and trusted professionals can help you feel steadier and more confident.
If you just found out your child is trans, nonbinary, or gender expansive, these early moments are important. Our goal is to provide relevant, practical information from the start so you can respond in the most supportive way possible.
And if you’d like guided, compassionate support as you navigate what’s next, we invite you to explore and apply to our parent coaching program, Navigating the Gender Journey, re-launching March 2026. Click here to learn more and apply now!
Free Webinar Access: “Making Sense of the Gender Journey & Your Next Steps As a Parent”
Catch the replay of this recorded interview with our founder, Dr. Shawn Giammattei (clinical psychologist, gender specialist, and founder of the TransFamily Alliance).
Inside, Dr. Shawn covers:
• gender identity development (including nonbinary experiences)
• the impact of societal attitudes and media
• resilience and support amid discrimination
• why parent connection + specialized support matters
Click here, or scan the QR to access the webinar!
