I started the year with the right foot, which means a new hairstyle because my hair is now longer. Blockers are doing their thing, and I´m grateful for them cause when you have T you lose hair, and that would be a nightmare in my case.
I also started blockers right on time because I´m not growing thick facial or body hair, and also my voice is fine and I know that, because I always do the call for food delivery, and I pass as a girl. I can see other kids at school getting secondary sexual characteristics rather fast, so boys now have facial hair and don´t miss the opportunity to brag about it, and girls are growing breasts.
They make me jealous, but there´s no need to hurry, “hormones will take care of that in due time,” said my doctor. Girls have told me that they hurt when they´re growing and that they can be a burden, so they made me think if I want them just now and I think there´s no need to run.
Since I´m on gender-affirming care, my anxiety has reduced significantly. It´s funny because adults think that trans kids need all the changes immediately, but when you start living in your true self, that sense of hurry diminishes somehow. At school, I learned that doing my homework or studying for exams reduced my anxiety; of course, because the job is done. Same with my transition, I´m not just sitting here doing nothing but doing what it takes to be me.
But there´s something really uncool; adults are worried because some politicians are trying to ban gender-affirming care. Mom was the first to tell me, and I had a conversation with her. I asked what the hell they know about being trans, but she explained that this isn´t a matter of knowing.
“I don´t follow,” I said. “Wouldn´t they change their minds if someone like Dr. Stewarts explained that this is something natural and the treatment is doing us good?”
“No, Sweetie”, she explained, “it´s not that they don´t understand but that they don´t want to understand. They only want to govern the country not because they want to do good but because they want power. Remember how disinformed I was about what it meant to be trans when we started this process? Well, they take advantage of people who are as misinformed, then throw some lies to make them hate trans people, and they turn them into voters. Hate votes are what they get, but votes that put them in an office which is what they care about”.
“Are we defenseless?” I asked. “No, of course not, but this isn´t an even fight”.
Jeez! Why do I have to worry about adults looking for power… I´m just a kid and I was doing fine…
Focusing on the positive, Aiden and Grandpa are bonding really well. Aiden got a chess set at my granny´s Christmas tree, and I said: Oh, but Aiden doesn´t know how to play it. Grandpa answered: Too bad, now you must come every day so I can teach you!
Grandpa did it on purpose because he was worried about Aiden. Nice move, Grandpa!
For some of us trans kids, the end-of-year celebrations are not something to look forward to. It is sad, though, because I have always liked Christmas and spending time with my family. I thought I knew them better, but they´ve been horrible about my transition, and they´re making my life miserable.
They forbid me to transition, go figure! This isn´t up to them, I don´t need to be an adult to know who I am! But not only that, I´ve been subject to violence, both verbal and physical. My mom hit me the other day, and my dad threatened to disown me altogether and to kick me out of the house. My problem is that puberty is around the corner, and other trans kids my age have started blockers.
When I was feeling helpless, Amelia invited me to her Christmas celebration. Her family is awesome! I wish my family understood the same way Amelia´s family did. It´s like, there´s no problem at all! They are supporting her with medical and psychological assistance, I wish I had that! My trans friends have been awesome, but I still need professional help.
Yet something amazing happened; Jack, Amelia´s grandpa, is teaching me how to play chess and we´ve spent awesome afternoons together. He did it on purpose because he cares about me. I can see his concern, and he´s gathering information for us to plan a strategy so I can get the help I need.
The other day he took me to the club where he rows. He´s practiced rowing his whole life, so we went rowing together. It´s harder than it seems, but it’s a terrific sport to build muscles! I wonder what would happen if I got T and then rowed or went to a gym, for which Jack also has experience and offered to help me and do it in a way that doesn´t affect my body, which is still growing. He explained something about using machines, but I didn´t understand; I´m more of a visual person, so I must see how people train with those machines.
Now I understand what they mean by having a family of choice, and it´s really surprising how other people who are not my blood family care more about me than my own family. It´s not a substitution, but it´s given me hope when I was rendered helpless. I wonder what Jack has in mind…
To be continued…